February 2012
34 posts
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You can't call yourself open minded if you don't...
I really enjoy living with all the girls I live with. They’re really great, but sometimes I just don’t know how to feel. One girl has openly told us she has Bipolar Type II. Another one has severe anxiety and she suffers from depression occasionally but she parties too much for you to be able to tell. The girl I share a room with takes medication for panic attacks and so I assumed they...
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I got a message asking for me to reblog a story someone on tumblr wrote. It’s really sad and I want to spread her story, but I just want to warn everyone the picture might be graphic or triggering for some and the story itself can be rather triggering. If you feel safe enough, please read this story and spread it. This girl is so strong for dealing with all of this and I think her story...
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My best friend told me he’s always willing to help me and that I can text or call him if I ever need anything. When I threw out my razors, he told me how proud he was of me and that he would walk with me every step of the way. He told me how he is always there to help me when I need it. I know I should call or text him right now, but maybe I just don’t want help this time. Maybe I just...
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I don’t deserve recovery. I deserve all the cuts and scars on my body. I’m worthless. I don’t deserve happiness or clean arms. I don’t deserve food. I don’t deserve anything good. I deserve all the pain and unhappiness that comes my way. I’m shit.
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Does the weather affect your mood?
I know it’s a random question, but I know there’s Seasonal Affective Disorder and I know some people that don’t suffer from a mood disorder that still get affected by the weather. I guess I’m just curious to see how many people really are affected by the weather.
The weather can affect me sometimes, but not always. I love the rain so sometimes I actually feel better when...
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Today marks two weeks without alcohol and two weeks without cutting.
I should be proud, but I’m not. I really just want to go to a party or cut. People told me I would feel better/happier if I wasn’t drinking so much, but I’ve just been feeling worse recently…
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I know I’ve said this before but none of the pictures I post are mine. They are either all submissions or pictures I found online. I give credit to all pictures except to the submissions because those are anonymous. I have never posted a picture of my arm on this blog. I still get messages every now and then from people asking about my arms and so I just wanted to clear that up. Everything...
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I don't think people realize how the little things...
Someone talked to me and introduced themselves while we were both in the laundry room today. It may seem small and insignificant, but the fact that this person was interested and kind enough to smile at me, introduce himself, and shake my hand, meant so much to me. I’ve had such an awful day and knowing that a stranger cared enough to make small talk with me made me feel so much better....
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“Your arms are fucking hideous.”
Wow, thanks, Mother. It’s not like I don’t already hate myself enough. Thanks for helping me feel so much better about myself. It’s great that you want to help my self-esteem.
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I love how when I was cutting myself on a daily basis, no one said anything and no one knew anything. Now that I stop, everyone is trying to get me help and tell me that “I don’t need to hurt myself to feel better” and I’m so confused because I’m not hurting myself anymore. People are just getting involved in shit that is irrelevant to them and they’re making my...
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I don’t open up to people anymore because of the response I always get. No matter what I say, people always go “oh. it’s okay! just be positive!”
Now, I’m not expecting them to break down and cry or being extremely upset for me, but I don’t want to hear “be positive” or “it’s okay” because being positive won’t change anything...
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@hideslieswithlines
I can’t reply to you for some reason! I’m sorry! D: but thank you for your message. that was sweet of you.
And sorry for having to reply like that, but for whatever reason I can’t reply to your message ]:
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I’m being forced by the court to start seeing a therapist/psychologist/whatever they’re called again.
I really want to call the person and scream “I WANT TO FUCKING CUT AND STARVE AND PURGE AND KILL MYSELF. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME END EVERYTHING. I’M SICK OF LIVING. JUST LET ME DIE.”
However, that won’t really fly by them. They’re just going to...
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Hey there. Seeing your most recent post, I just want to tell you, I love you. I’ve never met you, I probably never will. But I want you to know I love you, and I’m here if you need anything. I believe you can and will recover from this. Don’t stop believing, okay? Don’t ever give up on the chance to get better.
______________
edit: Thank you, love. You’re a...
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That’s it. I’m sick of this. I’m fucking sick of everything. I cannot believe I relapsed. It was so stupid and pathetic of me. I was completely wasted and there were razors right there. To be honest, I was so drunk I don’t even remember grabbing the razors and cutting myself. All I remember is calling my roommate and her walking into the bathroom to find puke and blood...
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I almost cried when I looked in the mirror today. I didn’t know it was possible to hate myself so much.
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The urge to cut right now is unbearable. I wish I hadn’t thrown out all my razors.
January 2012
43 posts
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As much as depression sucks, I can actually deal with it. What I can’t deal with, however, are the annoying thoughts constantly telling me to either hurt myself, starve myself, or kill myself. That’s what really gets me. I can usually fight through the depression. I’ve had this long enough that I’ve learned to deal with it. Feeling depressed is “normal” for me....
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The problem with not cutting is
that it’s my coping mechanism. I don’t know any other way to cope. So now that I’m feeling really awful at the moment, all I can think of is suicide as an escape. I thought about it before too, but now it’s in a more serious way. I assure you all that I am perfectly safe. I’m constantly surrounded by people so someone would notice if I were trying to do something. But...
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It hurts so much to know that you don’t love me back.
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I just checked my email to see that a school wide email was sent informing everyone that a student killed himself last night. It’s so awful to hear about. I know it may seem really silly or unreasonable, but every time I hear about someone who killed themselves, I just keep wishing I knew them. I keep wishing I could have at least tried to help in some way. I know I can’t save everyone...
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I just want to let you know, you aren’t alone. I had been clean for quite some time. Then everything crashed around me. I relapsed earlier this week. No one knows but you and whoever reads this. But I want you to know, I believe in you. if you want to recover, I know you can do it.
______________________
edit: oh, no! I thought I had posted this before! I’m so sorry! D:
...
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Today I threw out all of my razors.
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already unstable moods + mood swings from period = crazy, psycho me. I feel bad for anyone who has to spend time with me today. It’s going to be harder than usual to control my emotions.
I’m already moody and this just makes it 3000 times worse ): Does anyone else have intense mood swings on their periods or is it just me?/:
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Why can’t I just be happy for once?
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*TRIGGER WARNING*
morning after. baby cuts. they’re swollen and burn. Ive missed it.
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*TRIGGER WARNING*
it’s okay to be sad sometimes. Sometimes this is the only thing that can make everything better. I don’t do it to end my life, I do it to feel something that I can control. I like pain.