Well, as of today, I have been self-harm free for 38 days. It may seem small, but I see it as progress. But as I said a few posts ago, I really haven’t made any progress with my problems. I’m kind of just running away from everything. But I am really proud of myself for going 38 days.

wow, dissociating at work was so much fun! what’s better than dissociating when you’re surrounded by complete strangers? /sarcasm

that was so terrible.

The truth is, I’m not really better. I may not be self-harming, but that doesn’t mean I’ve made progress. I’ve just run away from all my problems. I can fight off the urge to self harm because I’m not really struggling with anything. I still have the demons in my mind, but I’m sheltered in my home. I’m in my own little world and I like that. I’ve done what I always do; Everything got to be too much so I ran away and hid. 

I’m not necessarily complaining because this is a nice break, but I’m worried about what will happen when I get thrown back into the real world. I know I’m going to shatter into a million little pieces because I haven’t learned how to cope or do anything. This is a nice break so I’m just going to enjoy it for now.